“How’s School?”

Elementary school… Passed it with flying colors

High school… Hated it, but got through it

College… Loved it, stayed longer because of it, and finished it

Grad School… Wondering about it

There’s much to learn in high education and the education I’m receiving right now couldn’t be any better. Learning about the intricasies  of the human body is so fascinating to the human mind and even moreso to the God-centered mind. It’s amazing to see how God designed the human body with such purpose to show us that it cannot have happened by random chance. If people could only see the designer behind the design instead of a hodge podge of mistakes that eventually form into what we have today as the human body, things could be so different. Everything really does point to God.

The second musing for today is that I have found out that my last year of grad school is comprised of all clinicals and online classes, which I believe how most schools do it anyway, but it has brought a great amount of joy to me. It means that my 4th year, I can be anywhere I want to be, working as a PT, without pay of course since I would still be a student, which leads me to only start thinking about the different places I could go to. In my state of being right now, the obvious choice would be the hometown of Chicago. However, people always tell me that if I give Boston more time, I will come to like it. I don’t doubt this could happen, but my love for Chicago and especially my friends is far to great. But as I always say, “We’ll see where God leads me.”

There is still so much to think about when it comes to future decisions. We can plan for everything we can think of that will come our way, but ultimately, it is always in God’s hands.

A Cold Heart & “If God Permits”: Not necessarily related, but can be

Talking to some people, and I believe being in Boston, has made me realize how cold-hearted I can be toward people. It’s not a good feeling, but that is my natural tendency when people just do not get on my good side. It’s also a very sad thing since I make it so obvious. I refuse to give them the light of day if they have nothing to offer me. But being Christian, it’s not exactly a characteristic that should be so evident. How to describe this escapes me at this time, but all I know is that it is true. Why does this heart continue to prevail?

A lesson that I have been learning these days is about how sovereign God is in my life and everyone else’s. Whenever I think about non-Christians who believe in a god but are not Christian, the first argument I think of is, “If you believe God to be, at the very least, “a god,” and having the knowledge of what “a god” is, then what makes us believe that we can push around this god however we want?” Even as a Christian, I tend to do this too. Whenever I pray, I always feel like there is this underlying motive that I’m just trying to manipulate God to do what I want him to do. Even to the hardcore prayers of asking God to help me persevere to the end, I still feel like I’m in someway trying to get God to do something for me.

As I have been learning in Hebrews, even in our faithfulness to become mature Christians, it is still ultimately up to God if we will be saved. There is absolutely nothing we can do that will bring us to saving faith. Only God will permit us to be saved or not, to persevere till the end or not, to be with God or not. Who are we to think that we “deserve” to be saved just because of the life we live? It is all in God’s hands.

Trying to bring this back to my cold heart, it’s only God that can give me a truly loving heart to love those that I do not love. To stop giving them a cold shoulder and to realize that I am in God’s hands just as much as they are and that I am no better than them. God is God alone.

Lately, I have been feeling broken and that I am falling apart…

If the chance is given to me again, will I take it?

School is Starting…

So school starts for me tomorrow, Jan 5th. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to wake up at 545 am every morning to catch the train into the city. But I would probably have to wake up just as equally if I wanted to drive because of traffic. However, I do not mind taking the train because it gives me a good opportunity to have my own personal time and try to do my quiet time (the key word here is “try”). It’s difficult to do all the time, especially that early, because I get tired so easily at that hour. But when I do try and get something done, it always ends up being a really good time. So hopefully this semester, I can really try.

On another note, being back in Boston feels kind of weird. When people in Boston ask me, “How was break?” I tell them that it was very good and reenergizing from seing all my friends. I realize that I do miss all my friends very much, but I remember it being this way when I first started college. I missed all my friends from high school, but after about a year, things began to turn around and now after seven years, I call my friends from college my lifelong friends.

So I can only hope things start to turn around a little bit more this semester to come. I need to get my act together and start trying in all areas of my life. I can say I want to do all these things, but if none of them are acted upon, it is meaningless.

And again, 2009 is a year to dedicate… Matthew 5:8

The New Year: Looking Backward and Forward

It’s the new year. Everyone knows. Whether we celebrated the last few seconds with friends and family counting down with our local tv stations while drinking some sort of bubbly drink or stayed at home doing random things because we know that it’s just like any other day that brings us closer to the next, we tend to spend that time thinking about how we have spent the past year or maybe even further back and we look forward to the many resolutions we hope to succeed in to give us hope for the next year and on. What is interesting is that it is this time of year where I feel as though we spend the most time thinking about our lives more than any other. In any case, that long winded introduction has brought me to the things which I have thought about of my life these past couple of weeks

Looking back, there is regret in my life. However, I am not the type of person that usually holds onto regret. Thinking about it these past couple weeks, I would have to say that I am able to count the real regrets on one hand and that’s not a lot. What I realize about those regrets is that I have not really changed or improved upon those regrets much. They linger in the far recesses of my brain only to rise up again when stimulated by certain events. Yet a couple can actually stay afloat in constant thought. But what is the real reason these regrets stay and never get resolved? The only way is to stop thinking about my lost predicament and start to focus elsewhere. And in my attempt to start focusing, I shall say the answer is that I do not focus on Jesus. Why do I say “in my attempt”? It’s because these past couple of weeks, maybe even longer, I have, in the words of Romans 1, suppressed God in my life because of my selfishness… my wickedness… my sinfulness. And this suppression is not active, it is unconscious. That is why I need to attempt, to actively deny my natural tendency of denying God and try to focus on him.

So, now with those regrets still lingering, I must try to see what God is teaching me through these things and begin to look foward.

With each new day passing, there obviously needs to be change. We know that this is the time of year where it is a good starting point for change, but so many times our desire for change is so self-focused, the most common of them being, “I need to lose weight.” How many times have we seen in the gym, starting January 1, the gym’s attendance skyrocket to double maybe even triple the amount of people from a month before? I will not deny that I have become one of the contributors to that number, but how often is it we have seen the number of times our Bible opens in our daily life or see ourselves depend on God through prayer increase from the month before? And again, I will not deny that I am guilty of not adding to that number, but things need to change.

So, for the new year, I will start to journal, whether through blog or personal journal so that I can see my thoughts and actively fight my suppression of God. But the main focus for this year will be Matthew 5:8. All I want is to see God. That should be number one on my list.

And looking back one more time, I could not be any more thankful for the friends that I have. I miss them all so much. I’m so thankful for the time spent in chicago the past couple weeks. It was so re-energizing and has made my appreciation for all of them increase exponentially.

Finally, just to end this journal entry because I can go on forever, I shall add to the number of exercise junkies for the new year and try to outlast them all.