I am your Father, Be with me

I am just and holy
You have sinned against me
But I do not see you as the sinner you are
I am your Father
You are alone and have no one to go to
That is why I am here
I wait for you to come back
Not to punish but to embrace
This is where I want you to be
Be with me

Musings on Genesis… in Particular, Lot

I started to read the Bible (though not going very well right now) from beginning to end. I’m trying to really focus and get what I can from it. I feel like I’ve read Genesis so many times without finishing the whole Bible and without paying close attention to some details. In my attempt to see God’s plan from beginning to end as he intended it, I first started to understand Abraham and Lot’s life a little more.

I do want to mention a few things along the way in Genesis that I saw before getting to Abraham and Lot.

• The responsibility of man in marriage: Adam was present when Eve took the apple from the serpent. It was his responsibility to protect Eve from making a bad decision. It’s almost as if he coward back and hid behind Eve so the serpent couldn’t see him. It’s sad that that is how most men are in today’s society.
• Cain and Abel: Cain blamed God for a lot of things. He blamed God for favoring Abel and for the burden he had to bear after killing Abel. However, it was Cain’s attitude that prevented him from being pleasing to God. His desire was not for God, but for his own purposes. He had a bad attitude in giving the offerings and he thought God hated him for killing Abel, but he was just unrepentant.
• God commanded Noah: All of what Noah did was only because God commanded him. Noah was obedient, which is probably why he was considered righteous and blameless. Not because he did, but because he obeyed. He was probably obedient in the small things, which led God to choose him to build the big thing.

Now to Abraham and Lot. First with Abraham. In the beginning of Abraham’s life, while he was traveling with Sarah, though only recorded twice, he pretended that Sarah was his sister to save his life. Each time was after Abraham had a blessing experience with God. Even in Genesis 20:13 it says that wherever they go, that Sarah would call him her brother, which might mean they have done this more than two times.

Lot is also very interesting. Early, when there was a great battle of kings, Lot was captured by the kings that defeated the kings of Sodom, Gomorrah, and others. I’m sure being captured isn’t the best situation to be in. So when God came to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, he asked God if he could stay close in Zoar, which is one of the lands that was conquered by the king that captured him. I found this amusing because if you are offered the chance to escape from the people that captured you, wouldn’t you take the opportunity to do so and run away as far as you can? Not so with Lot.

The overall lesson between Abraham and Lot from these two musings is that we are sinful people. We love our sin so much that we will do it over and over again and stay close to it. It seems like it never leaves us. However, God is still with us. Even though we sin, God will correct us so that he can still use us (I think i need to find a better God-centered application).

“How’s School?”

Elementary school… Passed it with flying colors

High school… Hated it, but got through it

College… Loved it, stayed longer because of it, and finished it

Grad School… Wondering about it

There’s much to learn in high education and the education I’m receiving right now couldn’t be any better. Learning about the intricasies  of the human body is so fascinating to the human mind and even moreso to the God-centered mind. It’s amazing to see how God designed the human body with such purpose to show us that it cannot have happened by random chance. If people could only see the designer behind the design instead of a hodge podge of mistakes that eventually form into what we have today as the human body, things could be so different. Everything really does point to God.

The second musing for today is that I have found out that my last year of grad school is comprised of all clinicals and online classes, which I believe how most schools do it anyway, but it has brought a great amount of joy to me. It means that my 4th year, I can be anywhere I want to be, working as a PT, without pay of course since I would still be a student, which leads me to only start thinking about the different places I could go to. In my state of being right now, the obvious choice would be the hometown of Chicago. However, people always tell me that if I give Boston more time, I will come to like it. I don’t doubt this could happen, but my love for Chicago and especially my friends is far to great. But as I always say, “We’ll see where God leads me.”

There is still so much to think about when it comes to future decisions. We can plan for everything we can think of that will come our way, but ultimately, it is always in God’s hands.

A Cold Heart & “If God Permits”: Not necessarily related, but can be

Talking to some people, and I believe being in Boston, has made me realize how cold-hearted I can be toward people. It’s not a good feeling, but that is my natural tendency when people just do not get on my good side. It’s also a very sad thing since I make it so obvious. I refuse to give them the light of day if they have nothing to offer me. But being Christian, it’s not exactly a characteristic that should be so evident. How to describe this escapes me at this time, but all I know is that it is true. Why does this heart continue to prevail?

A lesson that I have been learning these days is about how sovereign God is in my life and everyone else’s. Whenever I think about non-Christians who believe in a god but are not Christian, the first argument I think of is, “If you believe God to be, at the very least, “a god,” and having the knowledge of what “a god” is, then what makes us believe that we can push around this god however we want?” Even as a Christian, I tend to do this too. Whenever I pray, I always feel like there is this underlying motive that I’m just trying to manipulate God to do what I want him to do. Even to the hardcore prayers of asking God to help me persevere to the end, I still feel like I’m in someway trying to get God to do something for me.

As I have been learning in Hebrews, even in our faithfulness to become mature Christians, it is still ultimately up to God if we will be saved. There is absolutely nothing we can do that will bring us to saving faith. Only God will permit us to be saved or not, to persevere till the end or not, to be with God or not. Who are we to think that we “deserve” to be saved just because of the life we live? It is all in God’s hands.

Trying to bring this back to my cold heart, it’s only God that can give me a truly loving heart to love those that I do not love. To stop giving them a cold shoulder and to realize that I am in God’s hands just as much as they are and that I am no better than them. God is God alone.

Lately, I have been feeling broken and that I am falling apart…

If the chance is given to me again, will I take it?

School is Starting…

So school starts for me tomorrow, Jan 5th. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to wake up at 545 am every morning to catch the train into the city. But I would probably have to wake up just as equally if I wanted to drive because of traffic. However, I do not mind taking the train because it gives me a good opportunity to have my own personal time and try to do my quiet time (the key word here is “try”). It’s difficult to do all the time, especially that early, because I get tired so easily at that hour. But when I do try and get something done, it always ends up being a really good time. So hopefully this semester, I can really try.

On another note, being back in Boston feels kind of weird. When people in Boston ask me, “How was break?” I tell them that it was very good and reenergizing from seing all my friends. I realize that I do miss all my friends very much, but I remember it being this way when I first started college. I missed all my friends from high school, but after about a year, things began to turn around and now after seven years, I call my friends from college my lifelong friends.

So I can only hope things start to turn around a little bit more this semester to come. I need to get my act together and start trying in all areas of my life. I can say I want to do all these things, but if none of them are acted upon, it is meaningless.

And again, 2009 is a year to dedicate… Matthew 5:8

The New Year: Looking Backward and Forward

It’s the new year. Everyone knows. Whether we celebrated the last few seconds with friends and family counting down with our local tv stations while drinking some sort of bubbly drink or stayed at home doing random things because we know that it’s just like any other day that brings us closer to the next, we tend to spend that time thinking about how we have spent the past year or maybe even further back and we look forward to the many resolutions we hope to succeed in to give us hope for the next year and on. What is interesting is that it is this time of year where I feel as though we spend the most time thinking about our lives more than any other. In any case, that long winded introduction has brought me to the things which I have thought about of my life these past couple of weeks

Looking back, there is regret in my life. However, I am not the type of person that usually holds onto regret. Thinking about it these past couple weeks, I would have to say that I am able to count the real regrets on one hand and that’s not a lot. What I realize about those regrets is that I have not really changed or improved upon those regrets much. They linger in the far recesses of my brain only to rise up again when stimulated by certain events. Yet a couple can actually stay afloat in constant thought. But what is the real reason these regrets stay and never get resolved? The only way is to stop thinking about my lost predicament and start to focus elsewhere. And in my attempt to start focusing, I shall say the answer is that I do not focus on Jesus. Why do I say “in my attempt”? It’s because these past couple of weeks, maybe even longer, I have, in the words of Romans 1, suppressed God in my life because of my selfishness… my wickedness… my sinfulness. And this suppression is not active, it is unconscious. That is why I need to attempt, to actively deny my natural tendency of denying God and try to focus on him.

So, now with those regrets still lingering, I must try to see what God is teaching me through these things and begin to look foward.

With each new day passing, there obviously needs to be change. We know that this is the time of year where it is a good starting point for change, but so many times our desire for change is so self-focused, the most common of them being, “I need to lose weight.” How many times have we seen in the gym, starting January 1, the gym’s attendance skyrocket to double maybe even triple the amount of people from a month before? I will not deny that I have become one of the contributors to that number, but how often is it we have seen the number of times our Bible opens in our daily life or see ourselves depend on God through prayer increase from the month before? And again, I will not deny that I am guilty of not adding to that number, but things need to change.

So, for the new year, I will start to journal, whether through blog or personal journal so that I can see my thoughts and actively fight my suppression of God. But the main focus for this year will be Matthew 5:8. All I want is to see God. That should be number one on my list.

And looking back one more time, I could not be any more thankful for the friends that I have. I miss them all so much. I’m so thankful for the time spent in chicago the past couple weeks. It was so re-energizing and has made my appreciation for all of them increase exponentially.

Finally, just to end this journal entry because I can go on forever, I shall add to the number of exercise junkies for the new year and try to outlast them all.

It’s Not About What You Know, But Who You Know

I thought of this about a month ago.

Scenario: At work; Our department director had the Regional VP of our company visiting

My director introduces my co-worker, who I share an office with, and me to the Regional VP. My director mentions to the Regional VP that I am in the process of applying to physical therapy school and that they are trying very hard to get me accepted to one (my director has written numerous recommendations for me, so she has the right to say such a thing).

The Regional VP, my co-worker and I start talking about my plans and she mentions to me the name of the head educational director, saying that if I need any help, she knows about the different schools around the country and that she may be able to lead me in the right direction.

After our conversation and as the Regional VP has left, my co-worker comes over to me and says, “See, Andy. It’s not about what you know, but who you know.” I say, “Yup, you’re definitely right.”

As soon as we get back to work, it strikes me to realize not only how true that statement is in this world, but how true it is in the Christian life. It doesn’t matter how much Bible we know, if we know how to do the right things of if we follow the Law to the T. NONE OF IT MATTERS! What are we to say when we are face to face with God, the great judge? That we’ve done all this great good in our lives and that we know more Bible than the next person? NO! All that matters when God asks us why we deserve to be with Him for eternity is that we know Jesus Christ. That we have put our entire trust in Him, that we have humbly received the gift of His righteousness, that we have put our faith in Him.

It just blew my mind. First, at the fact that I actually was thinking that way, and second at how true that statement was, is and will be in the end. How much I have tried time and time again to read more of the bible and gain more biblical knowledge. For what reason? To try to obtain some sort of righteousness that I can grasp on my own will and power? Honestly, yes. I have lived my life trying to do it all on my own, attempting to learn all tricks of the trade while shunning away any help from anyone, being too prideful to think I needed help. And living a life that way has most certainly translated to my spiritual life, thinking I can somehow purify my own heart, cover up my sin, make myself appear righteous before the holy God. But all of it is futile, when all that matters is that… “I’m with Him.”

So in the end, it got me to think of the question, “Can we learn a spiritual lesson and great Biblical truths from all aspects of life? From the simple things that we hear everyday to the great tragedies we see all over the world?” My only answer to such a simple question as I look at a world that has been created by the very hand of God is with a resounding, “Yes.”

The Start of a New Beginning

Hopefully this works out. At the moment, I’m assuming most people will not read this, but this is for my benefit.

How I came to start…

I was talking with Jean Park about how we don’t hang out too much these days. She mentioned how if I had to study for something, we could always study together. I proceeded to say that I could always read something while she studied, which lead me to the realization that I do not read at all (nothing new, it’s something that I’ve always wanted to work on, but never have). And because of my lack of reading, it made me realize that my brain has become very lazy, is not challenged often, and that it will eventually lead to a mental breakdown in the future.

In the attempt to start picking apart my brain through this blog and through personal journaling, I am hoping to discover tons of new things about myself. As much as I would like to think that I already know much about myself, I am created in the image of God, and God is infinite. Not to say that I, myself am infinite, but there has to be so much more to this soul, heart and mind than I assume to be.

Again, hopefully this is the start to a great change to my though process that will help me discover, not only things about myself, but the greater glory of God. Really, I want to start desiring God so much more than the fleeting pleasures of this world. To know that He is far more beautiful and worthy than anything I can ever imagine.